I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
