Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
it's like iHOP with fire
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
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