Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
