can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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