he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
