this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
