Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
