HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
