I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
