i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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