I think i peed on brittanys purse
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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