maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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