Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So apparently I’m into choking now
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
