OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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