saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
