my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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