I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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