Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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