Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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