420 ftw
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
