I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
