I heard we made out
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
