She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
