sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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