I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
