The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
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