I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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