birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
