I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
