He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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