her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
