READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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