hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
