I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
