Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
