You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
