Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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