Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
