Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
