I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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