That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
