I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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