She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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