I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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