I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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