Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
