with your own penis?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
