So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
