...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
