i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
