ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
