Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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