I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
