I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
if only i could text you this smell
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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