Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
