Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I have fence marks all over my body
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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