i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
