you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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