I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
