From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
there is glitter all over my balls
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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