I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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