If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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