Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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