Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
