Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
