No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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