So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
